Title: A confession.
Author: PrincesaSandraxb - Me.
Rating: For people who can read kind of hard things.
Category: Essay.
Characters: My thoughts.
Authors Notes: I think it can be kind of depressing and a bit hard reading, if it's not alloud in here, posted wrong or anything else, please tell me and I delete it. I just wanted to share it because I think some of the feelings in it describes something about what some teenagers feel and are going through. But I don't know. I hope at least it can make some people think about somethings, because it's not always things are what they seems to be.
One look behind can tell a lot.
If someone looked behind my façade, they would not se this happy smiling girl
- Because I?m not her.
I?m not happy and I see no reason to smile.
To my family I?m this perfect little girl who does her homework and get straight A?s.
To my friends I?m her within control of everything, I?m one of the best in my class, the one everyone always ask for advice.
To my teachers I?m the girl whom can take everything like an adult.
They think I?m strong, they think I have control, they think I can take anything.
But I?m not strong, I have control of nothing and the smallest thing can break me.
I?m so tiered of being the big one, when I?m not.
I?m so tiered of trying to be perfect, when I?m not even close to perfection.
I?m so tiered of disappointments, promises which are left unfilled.
I?m so fucking tiered of always being the one to be let down of the people whom I trust.
Sandra, what do you wanna do after ninth grade?
I wanna go to England ? can we afford it?
Of course we can!
Are you sure? You promise?
I?m sure, and I promise you, that you are going to England.
You?re my best friend Sandra, and you?ll always be that! I know I always can trust you, and you?ll always be here for me.
Oh thanks sweetie! And your right I?ll always be here for you!
And what happened?
We don?t have the money, and even if we had, your sisters had to get something as big as a year in England, I?m sorry honey.
I don?t wanna talk to you, I hate you! You?re the worst friend in the world, you are so childish and ridiculous! I?m sorry, I?m just honest.
No, I?m the one who are sorry.
I?m sorry that you can?t keep your promise, I have been looking forward to that England trip for three years! And you don?t even care, you don?t see how sad I get, how much it means to me, all you see is a lot of money you can use on yourself. You tell me so many things, I don?t even know if I can trust you, if you will let me down again.
I love you, I have to, you?re my dad, but you don?t even know me, you think I?m okay, that it means nothing to me, and it?s not like it?s the only promise you broke, you can?t see how much it tears me down, because you don?t even care.
I?m sorry I have other interest than talking behind your best friends back, I?m sorry I do not share your passion for letting friends down. Out of nothing you stopped speaking to me, got the whole class to ignore me and then pretend like you were an angel. I told you that it made me sad, made me feel like I was air, you just laughed and told me I acted like a child. You talked behind my back and bragged with it, how did you think that maked me feel?
I can?t take any more, I cry every night, I?m broken down, tiered of being let down and tiered of being the one to handle everything like an adult ? I?m not an adult.
I?m a child, and I really need someone to realize that, to realize when I say everything is fine and look the other way, that nothing is fine.
I?m not fine, if only someone could se behind the façade and see how ruined I am.
