Mmh, if I would meet him, probably I wouldn't be able to say one thing...
I would just look at him so weird that he may run faaar away and hide!!

but I would try with:
Mh, I really don't care right now, but since you're a footballer and I don't want to be responsible if you can't play football anymore: Woud it be too uncomfortable for u to do it right here and now? Yes? Good, no prob, then your place or mine? Wait, before answering that: how bigs your bed?

see, I've planned
all possible ways... so he won't have a single chance to get out of that anymore

So, advice to u Cristiano: if you should ever meet me, run fast and hide good, otherwhise I'm not responsible for my actions anymore...
