Chapter Five
Pain is the first thing that hits her like a hard wave. Pain ? all of her right side, her shoulder and hip, her head ? comes crashing down as soon as she comes to. Everything was throbbing, especially her head.
Mariangela slowly blinks open her eyes, frowning as her blurred sight slowly clears. Where was she? She doesn?t know. She doesn?t remember anything. All she remembers is talking to Dr. Gomez, and then?
And then what? Everything went black. She must have fainted. Again.
After staying still for a few minutes, waiting for her head to clear a little from the dizziness and all her senses slowly creeping back, she grudgingly peels the covers off and sits up.
She was in her room. How did she get here?
She can hear voices. She can hear mama talking on the phone. She can hear the nightly news blaring from the television. She can hear a male voice that sounded like?
No. It wasn?t possible. What would he be doing here?
Shaking her head, she slowly gets up and makes her way to the lounge room where Olalla, and sure enough to her complete horror, Fernando are sitting and talking.
She freezes, turns around to go back to her room, but too late.
?Mariangela, you?re finally awake!? Olalla exclaims. ?How are you feeling??
Fernando frowns. ?What happened to her?? He asks, his voice lowering a notch in concern.
?Oh,? Olalla says absently. ?She was at the ??
?Hola, Fernando. I just fainted is all. Nothing to worry about.? Mariangela interrupts and quickly walks past them to the kitchen.
She can hear Fernando?s concerned voice and Olalla?s dismissive replies. Shut up, Fernando, shut up. Stop asking questions.
?Honey, are you alright?? Mama asks, walking into the kitchen. ?I?ll make you something to eat? I was just talking to abuela, she says she might leave Aranjuez and come visit us for a while.?
?I?m fine, I?m not hungry. She?s coming? That?s great! Do you know when??
?She said when the days become cooler, but you know abuela Filipa. She always changes her mind, so I don?t know for sure,? Mama replies.
She sees her lips moving but the words are muted. She can only hear Fernando?s voice. She doesn?t want him to be here, yet just the mere presence of him near her and she suddenly feels calm. Strengthened.
?How long was I out for? How did I get here?? Mariangela asks, sitting at the table.
?A whole day and night,? Olalla says as she enters the room. ?Dr Gomez brought you.? She joins her at the table as Fernando walks into the room, and Mariangela immediately averts her eyes away from his face. Just her luck he decides to sit exactly opposite her. ?If you didn?t wake up soon, I swear I was going to throw a bucket of water on you.?
?Thanks, Olalla,? she laughs. ?It?s great to know I have such a thoughtful sister.?
?Hey, just be grateful I didn?t do it earlier,? Olalla grins. ?Mama, where?s abuela gonna stay if she comes? We have no room.?
?She can have Mariangela?s room. Mari can move into your room. It?s only for two months. She?s all alone in Aranjuez.?
?But Fernando is going ??
?Olalla,? Mama snaps, ?I think your grandmother is a little more important, no? I?m sure you?ll survive sharing your room with your sister for a few weeks.?
A vehement Olalla follows a distressed mama into the other room to continue their discussion.
Fernando was silent. Mariangela was silent. Only Olalla?s protests and Mama?s tired voice could be heard above the rapidly flowing Spanish still coming from the television. Mariangela looks up at him and smiles mildly.
His steady eyes are on her as he smiles back.
Olalla comes back into the kitchen, quietly fuming. ?Wanna go out?? She asks Fernando.
He nods. ?Let?s go for a walk. Come with us, Mariangela. The fresh air will do you good.?
Mariangela holds her breath. What is he doing here? Why is he here? She doesn?t want to see him now. Her hair was scruffy, her eyes tired from sleep and her head throbbed. She doesn?t want him to see her like this.
But still she quickly tidies herself up and quietly follows them.
?So Mariangela,? Fernando says as they walk slowly under the darkening sky, ?Why did you faint? What happened?? He keeps his voice cool, controlled, as if he were talking to a mere acquaintance.
?Oh, she always faints,? Olalla laughs. ?Just give her a light shove and she?ll be out like a lamp.?
?Yes,? Mariangela says softly, ?I?m not very strong.? She looks up into his face. His face is blank, expressionless; his body language casual and relaxed.
But it's his eyes she wants to see most of all. Those deep pools fixed on her, locking with her own eyes. Fernando looks away.
?I don?t even know what happened this time,? Olalla starts. ?He told us she was just sitting on a chair, they were talking and suddenly she fainted. God knows what?s going on in that head of hers.?
?Who?s he?? Fernando asks, a slight crease forming his brows. Mariangela blushes.
?Oh the d ??
?Just a friendm? Mariangela cuts in and glares at her sister. ?I just wasn?t feeling well that day. Yesterday, wasn?t it? Yes. Yesterday.?
Yesterday she had lunch with Fernando.
They stop and sit on a bench facing the city square, watching the nightlife bustling around them. Mariangela watches the people rushing by, all dressed in extravangant furs and stiletto heels; she smells the delicious aromas wafting through windows and restaurants.
She wishes she could be lost in the sea of people surrounding them, so she won?t have to look into Olalla?s blissful face and Fernando?s blank gaze and forced smile.
She closes her eyes momentarily and lets the cool breeze hit her face, ignoring her faint body and her throbbing head, letting her mind wander away to the sunny afternoons when it?s just her and Fernando, and his smile is wide and happy and his eyes never leave her face, instead of now when he hardly glances in her direction, let alone at her.
?Well, perhaps you shouldn?t be hanging out with that friend of yours if he makes you faint.? Fernando says after a pause, smiling grimly, and she quickly snaps out of her daze.
?Oh, it?s impossible trying to keep her away from boys,? Olalla laughs, ?Well, the boys away from her for that matter.?
?Oh?? He raises an eyebrow and looks at Mariangela?s uncomfortable face.
?Olalla, stop. What are you talking about.? She frowns.
?No, no it?s true. Don?t you remember Aranjuez? And what was that boy?s name, with the curly brown hair? The cute one that always tried to kiss you? Mariangela taught all the boys how to do cartwheels.?
?All the boys?? He asks.
?Oh yes,? Olalla enthusiastically continues, laughing, ?They swarmed around her like flies. Mariangela tell Fernando how they never left you alone, the wild beasts. She was like honey to bears.?
?Yes, Mariangela,? Fernando says evenly, his eyes boring into her, ?Tell me what happened in Aranjuez.?
Mariangela groans, wishing for a wall, for anything, so her face would be hidden from Fernando?s full eyes. ?Olalla, I was like, eight. All the boys and girls played together.?
?And what about when you were twelve, and that cheeky Javier ? yes, Javier! He was the one that always tried kissing you ? he asked you to do naked cartwheels??
?Naked cartwheels?? Fernando coughs.
?I don?t know what you?re talking about.? Mariangela mumbles, turning beet red.
?Oh yes you do, don?t lie,? Olalla says, pinching Mariangela?s arm. ?Our Mari was the cutest child. She had big round eyes and those little freckles, and her hair was white-blonde. She was like a little ball of sunshine rolling around the town. None of the old ladies could keep their hands off her.?
?Just the old ladies?? Fernando asks evenly as Olalla laughs once again.
?Olalla, please stop,? Mariangela sighs heavily. She doesn?t want to talk about this. Especially not in front of Fernando. She tries not to look at him, propped on his elbow, almost taking up the whole bench. He looked so casual, so familiar, so beautiful, the shining moon making his eyes glisten and sparkle.
And yet, utterly untouchable and unattainable.
?And what happened with that cheeky Javier?? He smiles.
?Oh, luckily we didn?t have to do anything. After the ninth time he tried to kiss her, Mari spat on him and told him off so bad he never came near her again.? Olalla chuckles and ruffles Mariangela?s hair.
?And the naked cartwheels??
Mariangela gapes at him. Why was he tormenting her this way?
?I can?t remember. Did you do them, Mari??
?No.? She answers tersely, folding her arms and looking ahead.
Olalla sighs. ?Let?s go get something to eat.?
As Mariangela slowly walks behind them, watching them walk side by side, watching Olalla smile and beam and laugh into his face, watching her take his hand, watching her lean up and press her lips against his, she couldn?t help the hot rush of air through her chest and stomach.
Was was that feeling, biting away from the whites of her bones? Remorse? Jealousy? She doesn?t know. All she knows is that she can?t take looking at them together, walking together, holding hands and kissing.
She can?t take seeing Olalla with Fernando, laughing and smiling up at him, just as she herself does every afternoon when he meets her at the bus stop and walks her home.
?Let?s stop here,? Olalla says, and gestures to a little café up ahead. Mariangela?s stomach dropped. It was the same café she and Fernando ate at yesterday.
Biting her lip she reluctantly follows them, trying her best not to look at Fernando.
The night passes slowly. They stay and have dinner, and after another tormenting hour of Olalla ogling and cooeing over Fernando, and Olalla laughing and smiling and kissing Fernando, and Fernando laughing and smiling and kissing her back, they finally leave.
Mariangela stays quiet on the walk back home, trailing behind, trying not to let their intimacy wrack her nerves further.
?Adios, girls,? Fernando says as they stop outside their little house. ?I won?t see you for a few days, we have a game in Seville the day after next.?
?Come in for a little while more,? Olalla pleads, grasping his hand tighter.
?I can?t Olalla,? he gently takes his hand away and pecks her quickly on the mouth. ?I?ve got training in the morning. I?ll see you in a couple of days. Hope you?re feeling better, Mariangela.? He finally turns and looks at her, leaning against the front gate.
?Adios. Good luck in your game.? She replies quietly. And come back soon.
Fernando nods gratefully, turns and walks away.
?I hope he comes back soon,? Olalla smiles, ?He promised to take me shopping! Can you believe that, Mari? He said I could buy anything I wanted. God, he?s amazing, isn?t he?? She claps her hands gleefully and kisses her sister?s head.
?I hope he comes back soon, too,? Mariangela sighs softly. I can?t wait to see him again. ?Do you think he?ll win against Seville??
Olalla waves her hand in the air dismissively. ?Oh, probably.?
Yes, Mariangela says inaudibly, he is amazing.
The next few days were quiet. Mariangela took her time getting home; there was no rush anymore now that Fernando was away. And now that he was gone, she felt as if something was missing, she felt emptier.
Before, he was the one thing she looked forward to every day. Every day during her classes and lectures she would wait impatiently for the final class to end so she could fly out and see him. Now that he wasn?t here, she hardly knew what to do with her time in the afternoons.
It was as if she had no life before Fernando. And, ironically, that?s how she felt.
But at least she wasn?t completely alone: Mariangela?s grandmother came earlier than expected, just two days after Fernando left for Seville. An extra bed was set up opposite Olalla?s. Mariangela was dreading sharing a room with her sister.
She almost feared being in the same presence as her, let alone sleep in the same room, divulging confidences in whispers during the night like they used to.
?I?m so glad you came, abuela,? Mariangela grins as she hugs her grandmother.
?Me, too, Mari,? the older woman smiles. ?I?m just sorry I had to cause all this fuss with you moving into Olalla?s room.?
?It?s fine,? she smiles up at her grandmother?s wrinkled face. ?Anything for you, abuelita.?
Mariangela adored her grandmother. Whenever she thought of what she wanted to become in life, she always had her Abuelita?s image in her mind and the dignity she carried herself with in her simple existence.
Abuela Filipa was a quiet yet strong-willed character. She never said anything she didn?t mean, she mostly kept to herself and stayed out of everyone?s business. Mariangela always marveled at her grandmother?s cogitative and wise nature.
Whenever people asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up, she invariably said, ?I want to be like my grandmother.?
Many a time a troubled Mariangela would seek advice, help, guidance from her grandmother, and in return she would receive answers and solutions which she cherished and made sure she would carry out.
Now that her grandmother was here, surely some of the chaos and confusion which ate at her insides would go away? After all, there had never been a time when her beloved abuela wasn?t able to help her.
Why should this time be any different?
It shouldn?t, Mariangela decided. Her grandmother would help her sort out her confused state of mind which had evolved around Fernando ever since the day she met him.
Now only one problem remained: how to tell her grandmother all this, without really telling her the whole truth. After all, she could never just straight out tell her grandmother about her confused feelings for her sister?s boyfriend - that was pure lunacy.
There had to be a way.
